tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40982917458263600252024-03-08T09:34:33.216-08:00Just the Way it isNons3n5ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07091929885643740600noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4098291745826360025.post-13692754033660183972013-05-15T04:04:00.002-07:002013-05-15T04:04:38.801-07:00The Last timeI created this blog with the sole purpose of venting all my feelings which I choose not to express in reality. This is the real me.<br />
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It's been a month and 7 days since the day it all happened. You could say that that incident caused the state that we're in now. But I feel that it was generally a gradual thing. The day i accused her and the day it all led to our separation. I don't know whether to regret my actions or not but I guess this would have happened sooner or later given her personality. No one is perfect, and although i know that there are things which i dislike about her, I always felt she was perfect to me. She was my first love, the one who taught me more about life, the ways to treat a lady, to respect a lady, to trust a lady and most importantly, she made realize how much I was actually willing to put into a relationship. Everything. Even though we went through many problems together and overcame them together, I always thought that we'd become stronger together as a couple as we learnt to understand each other more but I guess to her, she felt less hopeful of our relationship...<br />
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To me, the most important thing is her happiness and when she told me on that fateful day at vivo that I couldn't bring her happiness like the way i used to, I was heart broken. Every moment spent with her, as long as i could stay awake, i would harness the opportunity to bring her happiness, so that she'll feel that time spent together with me is quality time. Yes I fucked up quite a bit because I could never really fully trust her as I was being too insecured at times as individually for myself, I'm not too comfortable with my girlfriend going out with random new guys she met recently at school on a 1 on 1 outing. Well atleast until i meet them and get to know them. I was willing to put down all doubts and put trust first before anything after i 'falsely' accused her on the 8th of April.<br />
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So it is, I gave her a period of 3 weeks plus and we finally broke up after she claimed that she was being very selfish hurting me too much and that I could find someone else better. To be honest even though i had the intention to break up on that day, I was more interested in finding out how she felt and true enough she was very determined to break up. I could have given her more time and all, but the fact is I know that it's pointless as even though she was given 3 weeks to settle her emotions, she didn't at all bother to put effort into salvaging our relationship. She was frequently going out with friends, ignoring my messages and even to the state of engaging my calls. I only messaged her at night before i sleep to make sure she was safe and she could engage me for that... During this 3 weeks, i was willing to give her all the space she wanted and all I wanted in return was for her to tell me if she was safe when she reaches back home.<br />
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It's probably my fault for putting her as my number 1 priority, at her age of 20, we don't share the same mindset... Even as much as she said that it's nothing to do with our different mindsets, I know that it's true...<br />
Foolish as I was, I was actually willing to regard her as my wife and my future life partner, I was willing to make sacrifices far beyond what i expected. I never thought I would put so much in a relationship. I took MCS so that I could make sure she was alright when she said she felt feverish and even random times just to spend more time with her. I skipped my lunch out with friends so that I could save more money to spend on us instead. Took an extra non recorded job just to cater our needs..I went exploring around medical shops in Singapore just to find her herbs to soothe her throat. Took off just to cheer her up by painting her whole room after she accidentally skipped her chemistry paper. I was being very attentive of all her emotions, well almost all, except her feelings which she had for me.<br />
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Of course after 9 months plus, a relationship will turn a little routineish and of course we would just spend some time lazing around just watching movies together but Come on, do you expect every couple to be bungee jumping and sky diving together all the time. I feel that, even though she doesn't admit it, She gives on a relationship very fast once the relationship turns into more of a "commitment" instead of a feeling. As time goes by I feel that love is a commitment, a decision, it won't be all butterflyish like how it was during our first few months. I just hope that her new guy who she's dating now will not make the same mistake as i did. You know, I was single for 6 years and only when i realized that Life is getting a lil more serious now since I have a stable job did I even bother to find the girl of my life. And then a bittersweet experience like this has to happen. But then again, atleast I now know that one should not put too much of themselves into a relationship. Well i learnt that the hard way...<br />
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I actually do miss her alot still, maybe because it's only been close to 2 weeks since our break up. I dreamnt of her a few nights ago, as if we were still together. I remember the times when i used to drop by at her place after work and just have a good time bonding with her fam and her. I really missed those times. Her family treated me really really well. As much as i miss her, i know that she's been into another guy because of her recent twitter posts, and yeah it's most probably the guy who i first 'falsely' accused her of being interested with in the first place. There has been alot of tell tale signs, I shan't elaborate but yeah so i know. As fast as i came into her life, I'm now nothing in her eyes. Easy Come, Easy Go. I knew she was gonna be complicated ever since she told me about her history, because i felt that every experience in life may have repercussions in the future. But i believed in her, I believed in us pulling through everything and that she would feel for me differently. She gave me too much hope, constantly telling me that she'd want to marry me in the future and that she knows that she won't find any other guy like me.<br />
She gave me so much hope only to tear me down...<br />
Yes, She really isn't the best girl out there for me if i really logically considered all the cons of our relationship. But she was perfect in my eyes, her every movement, laughter, smile. I really loved her too damn much. But I'm already moving on and as i see it all through, i really feel that if she doesn't cherish me and all that I've done for her, there really is no point. She's the kinda girl who loves challenges and obviously being the loving guy that I was, I didn't bring her any thrill, I was way too easy. It's just funny because she said that she wants me to like argue with her back everytime instead of always giving in to her and when i finally did start standing up for myself, she would say that I'm being defensive. So I really am stucked. Everything I did for her, she would feel that I am trying too hard. I'm learning to accept it. Eventually I'll totally move on and of course life goes on the same.<br />
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I wish her all the best in her new relationship and that the 'happiness' which she finds in him now, I hope she'll be able to see that in him for as long as she can. I actually feel happy for her because atleast she has someone she feels can bring her happiness to her, i know how that feels. I hope that her fam will welcome him just like the way they welcomed me. I shall let go of her from my heart, No holding back anymore, she chose her path, there's nothing i can do. The love i once shared with her is of no more.<br />
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<br />Nons3n5ehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07091929885643740600noreply@blogger.com0